change is gonna come.

Whether I like it or not, change is gonna happen and it already has in some places.

The new b/f didn't work out. It's sad I know, but in a way I'm happy. I helped him realize that he missed his ex and I'm okay with it. I mean I can sit here and be mad OR I can be happy that someone else is happy to have him back. My life seriously is a movie right now or just a Sex and the City episode, lol.

I have been through a lot and I've realized that there's no point in being angry or mad at someone who's obviously feeling something for someone else. I feel like I've grown up a lot in just the past few months, hell even the past year or so just being on my own has really helped me get to know my true self. I've always tore myself down in the past and I really shouldn't be doing that, I'm a really cool girl and I deserve the best and my time will come.

80s

I just got done watching "Say Anything" for the millionth time and I can't help but tell everyone that I've always had this thing for John Cusack. I mean it's no secret, my sister knows I love him, but not many of my friends know of this obsession, lol.

Also on that note, I kinda hide the fact that I absolutely love the 80s. I feel like sometimes I'm a generation late. Somebody said to me at the bar last night, "what do you think you are, educated?" I guess I must have sounded informative on that fact that I knew what I was talking about when movies were the main topic. Made me feel special in a way.

Plus another guy said to me "how are you not married?" Yes I was at the bar, and yes he's engaged to another girl, but this guy is a pretty good friend of mine and I was pleasantly surprised with that statement, but grateful. He said I'm a catch and couldn't understand how nobody has snatched me up yet. Very cute. He just doesn't know how I am in relationships, lol. I'm not up to par with how to play the "game" and I love a person one day and hate them the next, that's just me.

Maybe John Cusack will come sweep me off my feet.

Oscar nite.

And the Oscar goes to........

Another Academy Awards has passed and I'm sitting here again loving every minute of it. Why is that? Why do I get so wrapped up in these people that I hardly know and feel like I'm living their lives? I don't know to tell you the truth. It was another great show if I may say, here are some highlights...

• First I must tell you, the amazing montage of John Hughes films was the first time I teared up during the show. To see all the kids he worked with, especially Macaulay Culkin and how he got kinda choked up, made me realize how great Hughes really was as a person.

• Next has to be Kathryn Bigelow winning best director. She breaks a barrier for all of us women and I have so much respect for her. The Hurt Locker deserves recognition and I'm happy they both got a gold statue.

• Okay the horror montage was a bit outta sorts for this kinda award show, but it was well done and put together perfectly with the background music. Did I say I love horror films?

• Sandra Bullock, you help me understand that being original is soo much better than being someone you're not and I feel that because of you, I am who I am today. That no matter what people tell you, be yourself and that's all that matters.

• Oh Jeff Bridges you've come a long way and I'm glad you finally got recognized for it and I'll never forget a little movie called Stick It.

• ...the dance sequence for all the original scores was pretty freaking awesome, good job Academy!

• On the flip side, sorry Academy I'm gonna tell you again I dislike the live music during the "In Memoriam." It takes away from the montage on screen and they have close ups of the singer?? I mean come on, I wanna see those pictures! p.s. you forgot Farrah Fawcett and Bea Arthur, bah humbug!

Just a few of the many great moments tonight at the Academy Awards. Please cast Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin again, they always do a good job. Goodnight all.

oh the reality.

So things turned out to be a lot more screwed up than expected. I can't understand how I believed this kid for so long...oh well reality sets in and I'm glad I figured everything out now instead of down the line when it really matters.

My sister and I are okay now, which is good. I was pretty upset about that, but it's all fine now.

a bad week.

So far this week has been pretty sad.

Ericka Schriefer died in a snowboarding accident and it's been tough on her family and friends. It's so hard on the ones she left behind, but I know that wherever she is she's enjoying it just as she did here. She was one of a kind and will always be remembered for how she could light up the room whenever she entered. I don't know how to make this better, but I know after a while the pain will go away eventually.

I'm just not motivated to do anything. This winter has hit me the hardest and I feel soo out of it. Paige is gone and I feel like my world is a little bit bluer while she's away.

All I can do is patiently wait for things to happen. Hopefully by summer my life will be a bit brighter.

stuff.

The Golden Globes were last Sunday and oh were they great. Lots of new winners this year and it definitely made my night. I can honestly say I teared up during a lot of the ceremony. Marty Scorsese winning the Cecil B Demille award was just icing on the cake.

You're so money and you don't even know it.

Two words, Dunn Inn. We must go there more often.

My cousin is on her way to South Africa. She's studying abroad there this semester. I'm so excited for her. I'm thinking I might visit her too, but I don't know for sure yet.

Crap, somethings wrong with me.

Okay wait, I think I'll be alright.....

.....cause I have to be.