All I wanna do.

All I wanna do is cry. All day and all night long. I feel like nothing is good enough. I feel like all I do is just get by. I want to make a difference and change the world, but I don't know how. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer and I have absolutely no clue what I'm supposed to do with this life. What's going to happen in my future?? Will I prosper?? Will I make the best of this life?? I need some kind of sign or indication of what I need to do. Crying really has been my past-time the last few weeks. I either cry or I yell and get angry at people. What's wrong with me?? What happened to me, am I falling apart?? I need to find a happy medium.

Another thing that has been bothering me is I've never had a certain feeling. And I've never had that certain feeling felt about me in a way that I want it to be experienced. I get the impression that it'll never happen this feeling. I'll never get that certain sensation of being that one thing to another soul. That one thing that makes people embrace that certain feeling or go mad. I would just for once like to be exposed to that sense that I have been missing. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I don't know...

Saying for this post...

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead."
— Betrand Russell

late night post

News:
Barack Obama is the new president as of yesterday. It's strange to have something so monumental happen while I'm living. We always hear about history being made and it never seems to happen nowadays, but currently it has. I always think about how extraordinary it was in the 60s and 70s when things were consistantly changing. I dream all the time of how life would have been if I existed during those times.

Life:
I absolutely love food. I wish I would have gone to culinary school, now that would have been something...we always need cooks, lol.

Work:
I really need to find a better paying job. Don't get me wrong, I frickin' love what I do and I love who I work with, but I need something that pays better.
I need to get my hair done too, it's starting to fade.

Sports:
Soo, I'm not too sure on how the NCAA tournament will play out this year. Usually by this time I've picked a winner and I have no clue as of right now!

Okay, here comes an couple old writings of mine.

"What the Fuck?"
What's with this life we are living?
You grow up
Fall in love
Change the world
Hit the floor
We all die
Why can't we fly?
Open the door
to another place
They are all lies
then say goodbyes
Why can't we be free??
-2003
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"Boys"
Drop your act
Save your breath
Change your name
Stand up for yourself
Don't be like them
Do whatever you want
Leave out complication
Scare them all away
Stop the stars from moving.
-2006

clean sheets

I love climbing into a bed with clean sheets. They feel outstanding! LOL, just thought I'd share that.
Another love I have, cheddar jalapeno cheetos. They taste like heaven.

Cardinals vs. Steelers will be difficult to watch, but the last few Superbowls have been riveting. I'm sure whoever I pick won't win. I kinda want the Cardinals to win, just cause I usually root for the underdog, but I like the Steelers as well. Either team will be suitable.

I'm sure this blogging thing will come much easier in the days to come.

But, I figured out that amusement I'll place at every finale of each post will be between an old writing of mine or a saying that I enjoy.

Here's a saying that I truly believe:

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
~Gandhi

the beginning is the end is the beginning

So, this is what blogging looks like. Kinda strange, but I guess I can get used to it. I imagine that some day I'll look back at this, like I do with old journals, and see how much I've changed and matured in life.

I don't know what to say, but I have a lot on my mind.
Sometimes I feel good and sometimes I feel like crap. The winter months take a toll on me. I hate not seeing the sun everyday. Certain things can make me happy, but nothing can replace the joy that I have when the sun is out. Work hasn't helped much. People have been at each other's throats and things are changing drastically. I guess that's all I can say about that.

I miss my friends a lot. Being back home is substantial, I see my sister everyday and I love it, but not seeing my friends is difficult. I care for my friends a lot and I hope they know this, even though I'm not visiting them every moment of every day.

Hmmm....I need to figure out something fun to do at the end of each blog, maybe I'll figure that out next time.